To all the nonlocals who are about to invade my city- Welcome to Austin! My hometown- and perhaps the GREATEST city on earth.  Please respect this town as if it were your own. Don’t treat Zilker Park like your one night stands- it’s a fun place at times but if you’re fist-pumping and starting fights then you’re not welcome anyways.

Don't Mess With Austin TX

During ACL weekend, Austin becomes this giant town, overcrowded with all types of music lovers, press, celebrities, artists- anybody who’s somebody is there. 70,000 tickets.

And while I’m opposed to the “smoking ban” in effect, I know all those nonlocals aren’t going to give 2 shits about most of our state burning around us. Bastrop who? They just want their cigs. And how are they supposed to enforce this ban? Not to mention no one’s going to pay and mind to it. Though I do expect lots of brownies to be eaten over the weekend.

Then there’s people like this guy- too messed up for their own good and just embarrassing themselves.

All I’m asking if that you’re coming to Austin for the music fest, treat it with respect. We’re hosting you in a place we love; the least you could do is reciprocate the feelings.

How to Spot a Nonlocal at ACL:

-they wear jeans. Uhm, excuse me but it’s hotter than hell right now, and Texas just broke the record for hottest summer ever recorded. You’re gonna be standing and bumpin’ n grindin’ for the majority of your time at ACL. In between shows, you’ll be sitting (on a blanket, if you’re smart enough) on the ground. You’re gonna be outside. The sun is blazing down on you for hours.

-dressed too impressed.  We understand if you’re really trend, but you just missed Austin Fashion Week by like- a fortnight. People who manicured from head to toe and show up to a music festival will be severely disappointed. You’re going to sweat. A LOT. And probably get really dirty. If you look to good to be here, you probably shouldn’t be here.

-high heels. Now that’s a joke. Six inch stilettos are painful in general, so what makes you think you can wear them to an outdoors festival around 70,000 other people? Unless a runway is going to magically vapor into existence while we’re all waiting for Kanye West tonight, then I doubt there’s any reason for someone to be wearing high heels in Zilker Park.

-socks with sandals. There’s never an excuse for this fashion faux pas. If you see anyone ever doing this, they probably aren’t even from this planet. There’s too much contradiction between wearing open-toed shoes with socks.

-Super sunburned. We get it, they weren’t prepared for the Texas heat. But why on earth would you continue to wear less and less clothes the more and more you get burned? Use some sunscreen!

headed out to the park this weekend? follow me @kclementine49 !