Well, that pretty much speaks for itself.

...except me, naturally

I mean, if you’ve read liiiike ANYTHING I’ve written, you probably know I’m not really a Katy Perry fan. (I’m not that big on Michael Jackson–may he RIP–either, but I try to keep that on the DL; it tends to provoke quite hostile responses.) But if there’s anyone I’m less of a fan of, it’s muh fuggin Tom Brady. He’s just not all up in mah face on the radio and shit all year long–pretty much just September to February.

Now why do I dislike Tom Brady, you ask? Well, a myriad of reasons. But primarily just because, admittedly, HE’S TOO GODDAMN GOOD.

I’m man enough to admit it (well, that got weird): I really just dislike him because he’s annoyingly perfect. I mean, it’d be irritating enough if he JUST had three Super Bowl rings or JUST had a supermodel (literally) wife and a half-Brazilian baby that is genetically bound to be hella good at either football, futbol or modeling lingerie.

But SHIT have you seen homeboy’s bone structure?!  I mean you could cut glass with those cheek bones and I’m reasonably sure that cleft chin was crafted by God himself. (Although it’s most likely just somehow chromosome-related.) It’s no wonder Belichick is in love with him; I’d kill to coach the Patriots just so I’d have an excuse to pat that Adonis-esque ass.

Like I said–soooo exasperating. I mean, yeah, I also have a strong detest of Ben Roethlisberger. (Predominately because of the rape accusations, but let’s not digress into Kobe Bryant territory.)  However, the Steelers’ superman hasn’t warranted me wasting too much energy waxing ragefully about my dislike of him. And do you know why? Because Big Ben–unlike SOME PEOPLE–had the manners to not have such dashing good looks while he was winning two Super Bowls. So considerate.

I mean, REALLY?!

Anywayssss this year the Super Bowl will be a killer rematch (as our blogger Shane so skillfully discussed here) between the Patriots and the Giants, Eli Manning and Tom Brady (aka the devil incarnate). It seems like just yesterday (it wasn’t) that they were facing each other and with one really sick throw/helmet-catch combo, Eli won the Super Bowl (and ergo was finally allowed to upgrade from the kiddie table at Thanksgiving). Plus, although he’s got a genetic leg up on most of the competition via Archie, he’s less irritating because he’s not gorgeous, but merely adorable.

So, that said, I hope Eli makes Tom Brady cry.

Although he probably looks super sexy whilst sobbing too, that sonofabitch.