After being stuck in a dorm room on campus the size of a jail cell, most college kids are ready to leave that humble abode behind as just a distant memory of freshman year. Suddenly the newfound freedom of an apartment is the best thing to happen to our lives since our mom packed our lunches. These places of debauchery satisfy all the needs of an undergrad: cheap rent, plenty of space to party, a full-size kitchen (Goodbye, Ramen noodles. It hasn’t been fun.) and most importantly, our own room. Here are the stages a typical college dwelling goes through.

Stage 1: Move In

It’s a scorching hot day in August when you have to move into your new pad. Luckily your parents are paying your teenage brother to haul your boxes of stuff up the three flights of stairs, because trust me- the elevator will conveniently be broken on move in day. It never fails.

The walls are freshly painted white, and you can’t even remember the last time you’d seen floors so squeaky clean. Take a picture because once the family leaves, the welcoming party is already in the works.

Brothers: the cheapest moving men

Stage 2: The First Party

Stains cover the carpet. The tile in the kitchen is sticky, and it’s time to say goodbye to the broken accessories your mom just bought you from Ikea. The whole crew reunited after a summer of separation anxiety in your fellow hometowns, and the party was a success.

Cheers!

Stage 3: Futile Cleanup

After accepting that Mommy won’t be coming around to clean up the mess, the overflowing trash has finally been taken out and the dishes have made it to the dishwasher. The apartment still has a not-so-fresh smell for some reason, a tire in the living room- now a decorative centerpiece.

..Who knows?

Stage 4: Upgrade

After a month or two, you realize that the time has come for some entertainment in your mini castle. A beer pong table hogs the kitchen area, and a dartboard replaces the need for any artwork. Most importantly, one roommate spends his birthday money to splurge on surround sound speakers to jam music loud enough for all your neighbors to sing along to.

The game of champions

Stage 5: Survival

The results of Stage 4 have left the apartment almost beyond repair. You buy massive quantities of Febreze and Raid to survive, and you don’t dare inviting over any new guests anytime soon.

Time to make a chores schedule

Stage 6: Move Out

Your parents would freak if you lost your security deposit, so you hire a local cleaning company to come to your rescue during the last 24 hours of the lease. After the cleaning lady makes an emergency call for reinforcements, the extra teammates are able to resurface the countertops and unveil the original color of the carpet.

Even getting paid doesn't compensate for this.

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