Every so often, UT sends out email alerts of students taking part in inappropriate behavior. You know, the typical college norm. Underage drinking, substance abuse, stupid accidents. But from time to time, you get the golden alerts where someone has got to have too much time on their hands. What am I talking about? Check out three of my favorite alerts:

“PERRY-CASTANEDA LIBRARY, 101 East 21st Street
Suspicious Activity: Two UT students reported hearing strange and disturbing noises coming from inside a secured 4th floor office. The students reported the noises were disturbing those students that were studying. During the investigation, the officers discovered two sheepishly smiling students inside the office. Occurred on: 3-23-10, at 12:32 AM.”

“BRACKENRIDGE DORMITORY, 207 EAST 21st STREET
Found Property: A UT staff member found a clear plastic baggie containing a green leafy substance inside a stairwell. The staff member quickly notified the UT Police Department The officer took care, custody and control of the baggie and secured it for safe keeping. Occurred on: 11-09-10, at 2:17 AM.
Commentary: If you or someone you know is missing a clear plastic baggie containing a green leafy substance please stop by the UT Police Department to claim it. After a brief chemical analysis the police will determine if you are allowed to possess this substance, we look forward to seeing you.”

“JESTER WEST DORMITORY, 201 East 21st Street
Criminal Mischief: A UT student reported another UT student sprayed air freshener into his container of jerky then threw a chair across the room. During the investigation, the officers located the suspect and learned the suspect was having a bad day. No charges were filed, but the suspect was referred to the Dean of Student’s Office. Loss value: $60.00. Occurred on: 11-15-10, at 9:10 PM.”

Does your school send you dumb alerts? Share them!